Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Internal Mommy Wars

Things are going well on the work front:

  • Some pretty good successes at work recently with some building code and regulatory issues
  • A good system for packing for work travel
  • Thanks to counseling and more prep time, the anxiety I get before a trip has gotten down to a reasonable level
  • I'm still struggling with how to "get my work done" while on the road, but other than that and perpetually feeling like I'm behind or there is more that I could be doing, I'm managing my time in the office fairly well.

Mr. Quimby and I were at his work event a few weeks ago and were talking with a senior female executive from his company who is fairly well known as one of those "power women."  We were talking about our work travel and she complimented both of us on "leaning in."  I felt like I wanted to punch her in the face.  There has never been a time that Mr. Quimby hasn't "leaned in" other than when our children were born and her compliment felt patronizing.

That conversation and my recent work successes really created a flare up in my internal mommy wars, and I started to entertain the notion of looking for a client in a different industry to take on: maybe helping small businesses run efficiently, some light regulatory work for the oil/gas industry, or a way to get more people higher levels of work skills training so that they can address the shortage of skilled labor in this country (did you know there is a HUGE shortage of truck drivers?  Some shipping companies that ship commercial and industrial freight are able to pick and choose the jobs they take).

On the other hand, I'm almost at the end of 2 weeks with no work travel and I joked with my friends that I have taken back control of my house.  Mr. Quimby does a wonderful job when I'm gone and for the most part the girls experience a pretty seamless transition.  I LOVE being home in the afternoons after school, managing the activities and the homework, staying on top of the home exercises for Ramona's vision therapy.  I even like managing bedtime and I love reading the book and then laying with each child before she goes to sleep.

This arrangement that we have now works for us.  I wish I could just be content instead of wondering what else might come next.

2 comments:

TCS said...

Ellen,

I find after fourteen years in academia I have never felt the competition as much as I do now. Obviously I didn't have a child until this year so I can't compare the internal dialogue to what you've had however, six months into this mom job and I'm at war with myself almost everyday. I almost started to list my accomplishments here sigh... I've done years of therapy and I'm thinking now of using a life coach. Blah blah. I guess what I could have said was yep this post resonates with my heart

Marya said...

I hear ya sistah! It is a balance and I believe it will be for our remaining years.

 
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