Saturday, November 8, 2014

Amazing Grace

Something happened to me in the past year - I lost part of myself.

I don't know when, but I know it was after the move.  I think I know the reason(s) why and a big part of that was doubting myself.  My spiritual life wasn't that great and that always affects me.  Then there was the move, the adjustment, husband, kids, work, etc.  Those very same things that probably plague you, dear reader, on some days.  There were things that made it better and things that made it worse...

and I knew that I didn't feel quite right sometimes over the past 13 months, but I'm a high-emotion person anyway and not feeling quite right is typical sometimes.  It's part of who I am.

There were lots of good days and fun times mixed in with the hard and sad times, so it's not like it was all bad.

A couple months ago I decided that I needed to clear my head and so I started looking for a counselor to talk to.  The website Psychology Today has a great search engine and filter and led me to some good possibilities right away.  See, there are different kinds of counselors/therapist and different modalities (sort of like approaches or perspectives) that they use.  I've benefitted in the past from seeing a licensed clinical social worker (LICSW-C) who used the approach of cognitive-behavioral therapy, so that's the type of person I started looking for.  Instead I found a licensed professional counselor with a master's degree in therapeutic counseling and 17 years experience.  Best of all, early on in her career, she used to work in the prison system with parolees so basically there's nothing I ever say that she finds shocking!

Therapy is a funny thing - many people go for a few sessions, treat the surface issues, and feel better; and that's awesome for them.  That's where I was a couple weeks ago - 5 sessions under my belt, I had figured out a couple really important things that made a difference to me.  It would have been easy to stop then.  But I know myself and I know that I needed more, so I kept going.

After a couple more sessions, a lightbulb went off in my head and it was an ah-ha moment.

I felt right again; and feeling right helped me see more clearly that I had been feeling not quite right feeling over the past 13 months.

It's a hard thing to talk about, to admit here, that I need help sometimes.  But I am a person who is emotionally intense and I have a high need to talk and process.  There's nothing wrong with that - it's just who I am and it's asking a lot of Mr. Quimby, or my friends, parents or sisters to always have to listen to me.

I was lost ... but I've found myself again.


Elaine said...


Anonymous said...

So glad you are feeling right! Miss you much. Love, H.

Fiona said...

So happy to read this Ellen - my thoughts are often with you. Much love.

Vickie said...

This may have inspired me to use Psychology Today's website!! (I used to love that magazine.) Love you and thank you for this post.

Marya said...

This post made my heart sing. You and I have talked a lot about therapy and I am first-hand familiar with its benefits. I am going on my 10th year with Robyn so I am certainly not in the "few sessions" category. I am so glad to hear your sense of internal peace has returned. I love you my friend and respect you and your willingness to ask for help more every day.

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