Monday, August 12, 2013

Just an update: the in-between

The past week has been a time of being in-between places and in-between emotions.

Sunday, August 4th: We have dinner with my sister and say good-bye to her.

Monday, August 5th: Moving van comes, my dad comes to pick up girls and take them back to Alabama
Mr. Quimby and I spend the night at a hotel in Bethesda.

Tuesday: Mr. Quimby starts drive to Colorado, I go to work and stay with a co-worker in Bethesda.  First call from mortgage company that they are missing paperwork.  I try to manage that all day without telling Mr. Quimby.   Dinner out with Milk Moms.

Wednesday: Mr. Quimby continues drive to Colorado.  I go to work and stay with a co-worker in Bethesda.  Try to continue managing mortgage paperwork issues and finally have to tell Mr. Quimby late Wednesday afternoon.  He flips out. Mr. Quimby arrives in Denver late that night.  Dinner out with two dear, dear friends from college whom I met during Orientation freshman year.

Thursday: I go to work, Mr. Quimby works, and manages missing paperwork issues.  For what it's worth, paperwork problems are caused by: mortgage loan processor not being able to think outside the box and understand that even though I am self-employed, I am not incorporated as a business.  Problems are further exacerbated by his inattention to detail and lack of follow up.  For him, leaving a message on someone's voicemail asking for the wrong information and never letting us or them know that he never received the correct information is, evidently, an acceptable business practice.
Late Thursday night, a dear friend/co-worker takes me to airport and I arrive in Alabama.

Friday: I think I'm going to spend quality time with girls in Alabama.  Instead, Beezus wants nothing to do with me and alternates being sassy, rude, and nasty with outright ignoring me.  Mr. Quimby is able to work for some of the day and then continues flipping out when there is confusion over why my name is attached to a corporate credit card and corporate bank account.  Jack-ass mortgage processor tells settlement officer that he is leaving office at 4:30pm Eastern whether our loan is ready or not.  Somehow, someway, the settlement winds up happening and Mr. Quimby goes to Costco to celebrate, purchasing a slice of pizza, toilet paper, and paper towels.

Saturday: Mr. Quimby works on cleaning house in Colorado, I spend quality time with Ramona and Beezus continues her silent warfare against me.  We have a playdate with a little girl up the street who turns out to be quite the mischevious little problem instigator and she and Beezus feed off of each other and are mean to Ramona.

Sunday: Mr. Quimby continues cleaning the new house, Beezus thaws some towards me after my Mom and I take her to the mall and buy her some shoes.  My parents and the girls throw a surprise early birthday dinner for me.

Monday (anticipated): Girls and I fly to Colorado and moving van arrives.  We'll stay at a hotel 2-3 more nights while the house gets settled.

Someone asked on my personal facebook page how was I doing all this.  Honestly, it's been tough but not hard.  Mr. Quimby and I have made a great team over the past few months.  I've asked for a lot of help from friends and family the past few weeks and Mr. Quimby's employer is paying about 70% of our moving expenses so we are able to stay at a hotel for a couple nights on each end rather than trying to live amidst chaos. Overall, it has really sucked but each day in and of itself has been manageable.  I've prayed a lot, felt God's presence, remembered errands to run or things to do just in the nick of time.

I've received four very distinct messages that offered tremendous comfort to me: one from my mother-in-law, another from Susan Niebur, and two from God.  These things mean so much to me and were such a comfort exactly when I needed them.

At one point a couple weeks ago, I was talking with my sister (who has also lived in DC for the past almost 17 years) about how and when we would say good-bye.  She said, very calmly, "It doesn't have to be this big emotional thing.  It can just be "I'll see you at Thanksgiving."  In a way that I can't fully explain, that seemed to take the pressure off.  There's nothing I could possibly say that would come close to describing how I love her.  Words are so inadequate.

Also, I've been on emotional autopilot.  Each day is an exercise in putting one foot in front of the other and doing what has to be done that day.  While I'm normally one to be very attentive of my feelings and emotional state, the past few weeks have been made more manageable by trying to stay in that exact moment right there and not think about the magnitude of what we are doing.  When all I wanted to put my head down on the table and sob and grab my friends and cling to them and never let go - instead I didn't cry but looked in their eyes, kissed them on the cheek, and said "I love you."

I imagine that this dreadful in-between will continue for a while longer.

One day at a time, and one foot in front of the other.


Maud said...

That sounds incredibly stressful and also as if you are coping wonderfully. I'm so sorry to hear that Bezus is having a hard time with the transition and taking it out on you; but I suppose such things are only to be expected, and I know you'll deal with her with understanding and love.

Things will only get better from here on in.

Marya said...

I think the sometimes being on emotional autopilot is the best way to survive a huge transition. The key is reconnect and process the emotions once things calm down. Beezus will come around. She knows you love her unconditionally and so she can pin all her emotions on you because you are her rock. She loves you and so do we. Take good care and be kind to yourself.

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