I dreamed last night that I left Ramona, age 5 3/4 at home alone. It was such a terrifying, guilty feeling that I woke up almost in tears, told Mr. Quimby, and went to lay with her in her bed for a few minutes.
Even now, later in the day, I can't quite seem to shake that feeling.
My counselor/therapist used to say that it wasn't the action in the dream that mattered, it was the emotion. My emotion in that dream was that I had done wrong by Ramona and someone was going to find out.
I'm not sure what brought this on. Beezus, age 7 3/4 has been allowed to stay home for 10 minutes alone while I took a walk around the block, but not with Ramona. When they play outside, I emphasize that each person is in charge of themselves but that they should help their sister if she is hurting.
While Beezus was having special alone time with my sister a couple nights ago, Ramona had special alone time with Mr. Q and me - at church and at breakfast later, you could see her delight as she snuggled in between us. While helping me get the house ready for the "Open House" she worked independently on a project moving boxes, and I was surprised at how easily she agreed to help.
She's generally a challenging child to parent and I worry sometimes that I give in to her too often or not enough.
I took some extra time this morning to do some speech therapy with her - snuggling on the couch as we read a story together that had lots and lots of "R" sounds in it. That extra time and attention just seemed to make it more difficult for her to transition from home to school, though.
Beezus and I have settled in to a relationship that is sometimes, often, easy. Ramona and I aren't there yet, so maybe this dream was my subconscious wondering if I'm doing enough - if I am doing the right thing.
I hope Part II is tonight so I can figure it out.
5 days ago