I tell myself: "I have done this before. I have moved half-way across the country before to a place where I knew nobody. A place I had only visited."
I close my eyes and conjure up those images: the first look at the room in my residence hall, meeting my roommate, meeting the girls who became my friends, saying good-bye to my parents. I let my mind drift and also remember the emotions: excitement, joy, fear, loneliness, excitement. That awful tight feeling in my chest when I hugged my parents good-bye and the car drove away.
It is scary to go there for it makes the emotions so strong, both in my memory and in the present day. But it comforts me, in some odd way, that I have felt these feelings before and survived them.
The tears and the tightness in my chest do not mean that I don't want to go. They don't mean anything, they just mean that I am feeling happy and sad; and excited and nervous. These are the words I repeat to the girls all the time - it's okay to feel different things at the same time.
I have done this before. I will do it again.
5 weeks ago