Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Not good

Oh my friends, I am not. good.

I mean, I am fine.  But not good at the same time.

I am trying, I really am.  No newspaper, no Internet, no radio, no nothing.  While at the dentist this morning my mind started to drift to it and I was able to stop my thoughts.

And then while checking out, the billing coordinator said, "Well you've got little kids, you must really be upset about Friday."  Darn her.

And then when I was relating that story to a friend, she said, "Well maybe that was just her way of processing."  That's fine and all, but the point is that I was doing fine today until she said something.

I've gotten very good reminders from such dear friends that the most important thing I can do is to take care of myself right now.  I am lucky and I am grateful to have such caring friends.  One friend reminded me about the things I've done in the past to help me feel in control.  So I will likely be de-cluttering my tupperware cabinet and linen closet tonight !

I know what I would tell someone else: "Be gentle with yourself."

So, I am trying to let myself feel sad without spiraling downwards.

I know many of you who are feeling the same way.  If you are one of the ones that seems to be able to successfully block this out, then consider yourself lucky.

The girls know the phrase: "I'm having a hard time today.  You haven't done anything wrong, I'm not mad, I'm just feeling cranky."  In our house, cranky is a description and an acceptable feeling to feel, so it's okay for me to feel cranky.

I will go to Church this afternoon.  I hope I can get myself into that meditative state that I find to be so warm and enveloping.

And if that fails, I'm trying to get a massage booked for tomorrow !

I hope you are well, my friends.  Let's all hang in there.

The above was posted at 3pm.  

Below, at 8:30pm.

Better now.  Got myself moving, finished a couple work projects, picked up the girls.  Music helps, particularly sacred music that echoes the Advent themes of anticipation and hope.  Friday is the winter solstice, one of my favorite secular observances.  The girls and I will make candles on Thursday afternoon.


Aimee @ Smiling Mama said...

Sending warm and caring thoughts your way!

Pickles and Onions said...

Me too. I got to your post via a friend sharing on Facebook. I'm struggling too and wrote about it here http://pickles-and-onions.blogspot.de/

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