1 week ago
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I was in the car with the girls today and a young punk was tailgating me. Really, really close and I was scared. Really scared. I was staying calm and keeping a steady speed (while waving at him in my rear view mirror) as traffic was tight and I couldn't move in to another lane. After what seemed like an eternity (but was probably five seconds or about 1/2 mile, I was able to change lanes and move over and then we pulled up to the stoplight at the same time. I looked over to see him jeering at me and I snapped, completely lost my senses, rolled down my window and started yelling at him, forgetting that the girls were in the car, and were on the phone with my parents !
I yelled "What are you doing ? I've got kids in the car !"
He responded with profanity.
I said "Shut up, you idiot !"
More profanity from him as I rolled up the window.
As the traffic started to move forward, he moved over in front of me and stopped, but it didn't matter since I was waiting to turn. We glared at each other (with him looking in his side mirror) and I mouthed "I'm not scared of you, you stupid piece of trash." More glaring. Not my proudest moment.
He finally pulled away.
I was shaking. Shaking. We pulled in to the parking lot and I sat for a couple minutes as the girls finished chatting with my parents. Beezus asked where that "mean boy went" and I told her that his license plate was from another place and that he didn't even live here and we would never see him again.
She also told me that she stuck her tongue out at him and made faces at him when he was looking at us.
I hate feeling scared and angry like that. I wish I had just stayed calm. There was something so primal that came out of me when the real danger had passed. If I could have lept out of the car and strangled him I would have. Easily. I could feel, I could sense, that when he was stopped in front of me and glaring at me he thought I would respond in fear. But at that point, I wasn't scared. I was mad. I took a little pleasure in glaring at him. Although I had my sunglasses on, I glared. Fiercely.
What I did was stupid, so incredibly, incredibly stupid. I am ashamed and am going to stay calm next time this happens. It is bound to happen again. I may think whatever I want in my mind the next time, but I will not let a single word pass my lips.