Thursday, April 12, 2012

Be still my heart

I've been working on a post in my head about the damage that being constantly busy does to me.

On one hand, I love it.  I love having a busy schedule, the feeling of my heart pumping, the near constant flow of adrenaline that comes from always multi-tasking and from the fear of "Will I be able to do it all ?"  and the sense of accomplishment that comes when I get everything done.  I love it.

But the crash is so very, very awful.  I crashed a few days after my last post (after my community event was done) and I still haven't recovered.  Let me be clear, this is not depression or the blues.  Rather, I think that my body is reacting to the absence of adrenaline and to the presence of fatigue.  My house is a mess (by my standards) and things feel a little chaotic.  I'm trying to give myself space to work through this time and sit and be comfortable with these feelings, rather than trying to fix them by organizing something.

I went to see a massage therapist who also (evidently) fancies herself a bit of a counselor.  As we were chatting before my session and I was telling her about my life, she remarked that it seemed that perhaps I hadn't had the opportunity to store up any winter energy.  She used a metaphor of embers in our core as the source of our energy and if I didn't tend and feed that fire over the winter, it's hard to keep the embers burning now.  As kooky as it sounds, it makes sense to me.  Our bodies are meant to rest in winter - to use the longer hours of dark for time to sleep more.  I wasn't conscious of that this past winter, but I will be in the future.

My brain is telling me to end this post by writing about the 4 things I will start doing to pull myself out of this, but I'm telling my brain to wait - save that post for another day.  Sit with this for now.

I find myself in good company today - because as I saved this draft and went to my blog roll, I found Sharon had written on a similar issue.


Peg said...

stoke the embers and hang in there!

Herself said...

I truly believe in resting in winter. Long ago it was a time spent sleeping with little or no work to do on farms. Native Americans called it the 'sitting time'. Spring - though beautiful - is hard on resources, be they your energy or your food stocks. Ease into it gently.
Our own calendars are starting to fill up already and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

Rachel et Natalie said...

Bonne chance.
My husband must have some Indian blood (smile). He is the one who over the years has showed me how to better rest and to slow down.
The only time I do not follow his piece of advice is when mom comes over once a year. We are busy like 2 bees working on all the things I'd like to see fixed and believe me the sky is our limit.

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