My bi-annual community project that I'm in charge of starts tomorrow and continues through Saturday.
Due to the rough spot in our family, and some illnesses, and just . . . life, I'm not as personally prepared as I would like to be. Sure, the preparations for the event are ready, but the way in which I personally benefit is not ready in the way I want it to be. I've vacillated between beating myself up for not being more organized, but even I know that this is what happens some years. I've also had to deal with some snarkiness from a couple of the women involved, and that's never fun.
Late last night and early this morning, I was teary and sad. Then, I gave myself a hard time for letting snarky people and less than perfect preparation get to me and make me teary and sad. "I should be more flexible and easy going." "I should be more cold and uncaring," I thought, or at least putting my own needs in front of others. To be fair, I don't think I'm a doormat (anymore) and that was what caused some of the snarkiness from the other women. Yes, you too, have to follow the rules.
But you know what ? I'm just fine the way I am. I could stand to be less brusque at times, and I could stop thinking about the things that bother me, and there's lots of other things I'd like to work on, but I'm FINE.
In the midst of this, I remembered the several instances of kindness that I was shown yesterday. The women participating in the sale who were flexible and cooperative, the woman who re-arranged some other things so she could keep to her commitment and when she came to my house to pick something up and told me, I could see such generosity in her eyes. "It's not about the sale" I kept saying. "I'm just so touched that you found a way to make it work for both of us." The unexpected and nice e-mail from a friend, offering up prayers for me and my family.
The kindness continued today. Another friend listening to me talk about this AGAIN, a fun date to look forward to, someone else telling me they missed me, an e-mail from another friend reminding me to make a reservation for a secret trip to the American Girl store that Beezus and I are going on next week.
I am so lucky, I can't even believe it sometimes. I.am.so.grateful.
This evening, my husband telling me that he loves me and taking the girls for the evening so I can work on my personal part of the sale.
I wish that I wasn't so sensitive. I really do. I wish that I didn't let other people's snarkiness get to me. But I'm going to be grateful that I only let it affect me for a few hours, and then I can talk myself out of it. I couldn't have done that 10 years ago.
I am grateful.