Adding gasoline to the fire

As if the next 10 days aren't crazy enough, I'm determined to make a bunny cake and some baby bunnies for Easter. I've got this whole ritual planned for Easter and part of it involves new table decorations on our dining room table and this bunny cake as the centerpiece. (What ? There were no bunny cakes when Jesus came out of the tomb ? Of course not, because Mary probably couldn't find the decorating directions on the Internet, that's why !)

I can remember my mom making a bunny cake occasionally, and I think my aunt made a lamb cake when I was in college and would go to her house for Easter.

Me ? I'm doing this because I found these pans at the thrift store for about $4.00 and they sell on e-Bay for about $15 and retail for about the same.

Of course, they came with no instructions, but I found some on the Wilton web site. They even tell you what order to do the steps in, and give you a list of supplies that I will take to the grocery store and stand in the candy aisle looking at all those little bags of candy until I find the right ones. Mr. Q and I split the grocery shopping about 70/30 but there's NO WAY I will ask him to do this chore.

However, I am not going to be ashamed to throw in the towel if I am tired or just don't feel like it. Fair enough. (I'm secretly hoping to con my mother into helping me ! Luckily she doesn't read this blog ha ha ha ha).

I believe

I had promised myself that I would write about this.

But it's hard, because it's such a deeply personal experience and not only do I not want people to think I am losing my marbles, I also don't want them to think that I am a religious nut. Because it seems to me that many people discount religious nuts.

See, I've been on a sort of spiritual upswing lately, and it's, well, it's kind of amazing and I just feel like I have to share it with you. It swells my heart, this love that I feel from the Father and it spills over into all the other areas of my life. I have Susan to thank for getting it started actually. When she told us about the novena I definitely felt compelled to go.

I arrived by myself the first night, at the Chapel of Our Lady. I was hesitant, not knowing the others, and I selected a seat across the room from the door. The service started and within a couple minutes I felt my soul settle into prayer and I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me. I'm sure it's different for different people, but for me it's a small shiver and then a feeling of deep calm and I can feel my self kind of sinking into myself, for lack of a better descriptor.

I've always loved praying in communion with others. From my first retreat in 8th grade, to the retreats in high school and college, to the retreat that Mr. Q and I went on for marriage preparation, I've always felt the power that comes from praying with others, and especially from lifting voices in song together.

That night, I started to pray the rosary, my fingers moving over the beads that were a wedding gift from my husband 14 1/2 years ago. It felt so familiar, so comforting. It felt like home.

A lady knelt in front of me, with a dark curly ponytail cascading down her back.

After a few minutes, I glanced over to the right and noticed a shadow on the wall. I instantly thought "MARY" for the shadow on the wall mimicked the profile of the Blessed Mother as she is often depicted with her head covered and bowed looking at the baby Jesus or in prayer. It was so clear. The word "among" popped into my hear instantly. As I've reflected on this experience since then, I now have the feeling that it was more of a phrase: "I am among you."

The lady with the curly ponytail stayed for a while and then left.

The time for prayer ended, I stood to leave and stopped to introduce myself to the organizer. As I left, I saw the lady with the curly ponytail and decided to tell her and the organizer what I had seen. We talked about it for a minute, I assured them it was not an apparition, there was no need to call EWTN or Fox News.

As I turned to leave, the lady with the curly pony tail called to me, "What's your name ?" "TSM," I responded. "And yours ?"

"Santa Maria."

Pulled Up

So, I've mentioned before that the girls participate in a religion class that is Montessori based with a curriculum developed specifically for children. The curriculum is called the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd and it is used primarily in Catholic churches but can be adapted for use in other denominations. The place where the class occurs is called the "Atrium" so that is how we (and the other families) refer to it. It has tremenduous opportunities for hands-on learning with several group rituals each meeting time. I've sat in on a couple classes, and it. is. beautiful.

It is amazing to me what the girls take away from Atrium. The hard part is that they ask me lots of questions, particularly about people dying and "getting risen up." I'm a little fuzzy on some of the Church's exact teachings here, so I wing it and when in doubt, I say "That's a great question for Ms. Linda." Ramona, in particular, will tell me long-winded stories about something that are usually about 50% correct.

Tonight's conversation started with the people we know who are only a little bit old and people who are very old and might die first. She also wanted DETAILS on whether doggie heaven and people heaven are the same or different and if they were different then how would we get to see Rudy and Selma there ? (Yes, Rudy died a few weeks ago. A post on that is in the works). I explained that every person and every animal we loved would be with us in heaven (yes, it's fine to gloss over the details with a 3 3/4 year old).

Ramona asked me who was the first person who died and I told her I didn't know. Then she started saying that she didn't know the first person who died, but she DID KNOW the first person who Jesus pulled up into heaven through the gates: "She was a lady, mommy, who worked with and loved the infants. But she didn't go to heaven first. JESUS went to heaven first and then PULLED. HER. UP. through the gates. Do you know who this lady is, Mommy ? Do you know ? "

Seriously, I was racking my brain trying to think of who loved children and who was the first person to go to heaven. Yeah, pathetic, I know.

The answer occurred to me and Ramona at the same time. "It was HIS MOMMY ! Jesus' MOMMY was the first person after Jesus to go into heaven !"

I helpfully supplied the name, "Mary." Good job, TSM. Way to stay on the ball.

I'm not sure what Beezus is thinking about during Atrium, because she doesn't always chime in with these conversations. But Beezus, at age 5 1/2 is VERY literal, so I wonder how much she is taking in. She is quite the expert on the liturgical colors, which makes sense since she can literally see those at church.

What have I done ?

Ugh - WHY did I ever say that I was going to give up facebook and blog reading for Holy Week and severely restrict my personal e-mail usage ? Ugh - not fun. See, once I tell myself I'm going to do something, I have to do it. Now I have no choice. But it has been interesting to see how many times on Sunday and Monday morning I started to go to the computer just to "check my e-mail real quick." By tonight, though, the itch seems to have mostly passed. Interesting. I had no intentions of giving up my own blog posting though. In fact, I suspected that less facebook and blog reading would hopefully make me want to write more. So far it has.

Resolve

I'm diggin deep to keep my resolve about me the next two weeks. Mr. Q is going away Sunday - Friday, then Monday-Tuesday, and then I go away for work Wednesday - Thursday. If I can just make it to Friday, April 29th, I'll have it made in the shade. I have lots of resolutions for this time:

• Don't whine (mild complaining or statement of fact is acceptable :-)


• Don't yell


• Don't eat excessive amounts of junk food


• Don't spend too much time on the computer


• Go to bed on time


• Wake up on time


• Try to be joyful


• Let other people care for my children so I can exercise and go to church. These are not strangers, they are people who love them. I am not neglecting my children if someone who loves them (or the occasional babysitter) puts them to bed. They will be okay.

I'm glad that this is happening during holy week. I've been on a bit of a spiritual high recently (I really must post about it, but it's hard to put into mere words) and I'm looking at this week as an opportunity to really focus. To help me in this resolve, I made a grid. It's a reminder of things I have to do, what other people have to do, who is coming when, etc. My sister is helping, my dad is coming on Wednesday to help me get through the last couple days, and Mr. Q's brother Bill and his wife Sandy will be visiting our niece (their daughter) in DC and will be around too. All of this will be helpful. It will amp the girls up to have people around, but having an extra set of hands is always nice. I'm 95% certain that I'm going to give up facebook, blog reading, and really limit my personal e-mail usage during Holy Week. I've done this before occasionally for short periods of time and it feels great. I've been doing really well eating healthy and exercising regularly - the exercise will take a major slide during the next two weeks because it's honestly more trouble than it's worth to get a babysitter for Jazzercise, but at least when my dad is here I could get up early and walk/jog in the morning. It will be a good laugh for the neighbors, if nothing else. The funny thing is, with all of Mr. Q's travel and my self-awareness, I've learned that the two days before he goes away are always the hardest for me, because I worry about all the "what-ifs". Resolve.

Awww Clutter and Awww purging shoes

Awww Clutter did a good job last week purging her shoes. The final count was over 20, and although she hung on to a couple pairs for sentimental reasons, she got rid of ALL the ones that were too tight or didn't fit properly, and she also got rid of most (but not all) of the more hideous pairs. We first established that she was at maximum space allocation for her shoes. That was helpful to her because she knows she has room to purchase a couple more pairs, but after that it needs to be a strict one in, one out policy !!! We sorted shoes based on season, level of fanciness, and color. The only sorting we didn't get to was her sneakers and dog walking shoes. Best of all, I felt like I laughed almost the entire time and she didn't even flinch at the good humored teasing that I did. The funniest part for me was when I was challenging her to get rid of even more "summer wear, colored sandals, non-casual" and she stood very close to them and announced emphatically "That's it. I'm done with these. I'm keeping all the rest." with a gentle yet steely determination. Teasing her about her worn out shoes made me reflect on the worn out shoes in my own closet. I operate on a strict system of classification for shoes: black high heeled winter pumps, black winter flats, navy all season pumps, navy all season flats, cream summer heels, cream summer flats, etc. My total number of pairs of shoes is about 40, with 10 pairs being seasonal (suede heels, sandals, etc.). So I came home and put 3 pairs in the donate pile and now I need replacements for them. So, Awww Clutter, I am looking for brown heels (appropriate for work with a skirt or dressy pants), brown loafer type but with a small heel (appropriate for dressy pants and long skirts), AND brown leather loafers that work with casual pants or dressy jeans. I think of these as "fall/winter/spring" shoes, so I'm hoping they will be on sale now. Help me !!!

First World Problem

I've got a couple substantive posts rattling around in my head, but for now I'll stick to fluff ! I love the phrase "first world problem." I think the first time I saw it was on the blog Laundry for Six and I think she was referring to having too much stuff ! In the past 6 months, I've scored a good lot on Craig's List and I've been the lucky recipient of hand-me-downs from two older girls in my neighborhood. I did a quick sort, but I really need to wash them all and then sort again by size, season and then see what we should keep and what we should pass on. The hand-me-downs are a great mix of play clothes, jackets, and a couple cute little outfits. Here's my hang-up: I have to incorporate these items into my regular laundry routine, which I already find a tad overwhelming. Luckily, I still have THREE folding tables set up in my bedroom that I used recently to get ready for a community event, so I think they'll just have to stay up for a couple more weeks so I can get through this laundry as well !