Sunday, July 19, 2009

Three epiphanies

Epiphany #1
I create drama in my life. While reading a book recently to help in my journey, I came across this quote that alluded to the fact that sometimes the process of making a bad decision (eating a Little Debbie) and the resulting self-loating creates drama where it did not otherwise exits. And it was as if a big ole cinder block hit me on my head: THAT IS SO ME !!! While I love my life, it’s not necessarily exciting. But when I procrastinate on leaving the house on time and then I have to rush and there’s the feeling of apprehension and dread if I am late to an appointment OR the feeling of excitement if I make it on time, that’s creating drama. If I eat something that is unnecessary, it creates the tension of “should I eat it, should I not ?” and the resulting self disappointment. This is the type of excitement and drama that I do not want in my life.

Epiphany #2
While I wish I had an epiphany on how to better manage the entiretey of all my domestic responsibilities, at least I've had an epiphany on how better to manage a small piece of it. I’ve had some good suggestions from friends (schedule stuff so you don’t have to worry about when it will get done) and I’ve also noticed that plugging away at it everyday will at least make me feel better about managing it. And then, there’s always 2012. That’s when both of the girls will (most likely) be in public school. We won’t have daycare/pre-school costs and I can take a sabbatical from work and get all my photos printed, scrapbooks done, and basement cleaned out !!! Even if it doesn't make a big difference, I at least feel better if I get a little something done in the morning. No matter how small or insignificant, if I wake up 15 minutes earlier and fold a load of laundry, I feel better.

Epiphany #3
I’ve also realized again that releasing worries into the universe almost always seems to lessen their load. A couple weeks ago I noticed that I had been feeling irritable for several days. I’m pretty good by now at self-reflection and can usually pinpoint where the crankiness or irritability is coming from. But in this case, I just kept coming up empty handed. It kind of seemed like a mid-summer slump or something. I talked to David about it and then talked to friend H. about it later that same night. I could LITERALLY feel the crankiness dissipating as we chatted. It came back a couple of days later, stayed for a few days, and I started getting worried. I don’t like feeling irritable and cranky. I really don’t like it – it reminds me of a tough time in my life that I never want to go back to again. So if general irritability and crankiness doesn’t dissipate within 3 days or so, I worry. But again I mentioned it to David and we talked about it. Dissipated a few hours later. It’s like magic, I tell you.

1 comment:

Rachel et Natalie said...

it is always good to share our trouble.

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