Friday, May 30, 2008
Since she doesn't snuggle too much anymore, I sang and sang and enjoyed the feeling of her increasing weight on my shoulder as she fell deeper into sleep. In that moment, I was and am still, all too aware that her baby days are numbered and consequently, mine are numbered too.
For there will be no more babies at our house - and I am so deeply and profoundly sad over this. I joke with my friends that I would love to be pregnant, give birth, and have a newborn nursing from me for a couple weeks but I don't want to raise three (or more) children. I think about it a lot and David and I have discussed it several times. This - THIS with our 2 girls, feels right to us. We feel complete. I suspect that if my sadness over the end of my baby days was indicative of a true and deeper call to have more children, then I wouldn't feel this completeness.
I've long thought that people are called to different vocations in life, and the priesthood or religious life is just one of those vocations. I believe that God calls some to be single, some to be married without children, some to be married with one child and some to many more. David and I long struggled with the decision of whether to have children - it was never an automatic. After those years of agonozing discernment (much more for me than for David) and the difficulty I went through in trying to decide what to do about working after Esther and Ruthie were born, I now truly feel like I am living God's call for me. And oh my goodness, it feels good.
Let me be clear, neither David or I want to have another child and yet I'm still grieving the loss of this wonderful, magical, so very, very special time of infancy. Even with all of the hard times, I'm still not quite ready to let the baby days go.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I also try hard to perpetuate good karma as a buyer. I rarely express extreme interest without following through. I call the seller when I am leaving my house and I call again when I'm about 5 minutes away. I rarely ask for an extreme reduction in price - I want both of us to be happy with the sale. I try not to bring the girls with me and if I do have to bring them, I let the seller know.
I've also offered to let a woman return some maternity pants that she was unhappy with. She has never followed through and actually returned them though.
Therefore, it really, really makes me mad then when people do not remove their sold items from Craig's List. Or when they don't reply to my e-mail. Or when we exchange 9 e-mails back and forth and then they never reply to my last e-mail confirming our meeting time and location. It's interesting, the people who are the most reluctant to call me (or give me their phone number) are always the people who seem to fall through. To be sure, I've had some sales done entirely over e-mail, but of the sales that have fallen through at the last minute, they've never been willing to talk on the phone.
But man, oh man, was I the recipient of some kick-ass awesome good karma today. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mr. Quimby gave me a corsage to wear today. It's an old school tradition, but I love it, and ask him every year to get me one. Beezus and I went to church by ourselves - it's much easier than trying to deal with Ramona who is already overdue for her nap by the time we arrive at church. Our church has lots of children and the priest frequently makes a point to say how glad he is that they are there, but it's just not fair to Ramona to keep her from taking a regular nap. The priest gave mothers a special blessing, and I loved how inclusive he was - he specifically referenced physical mothers, spiritual mothers, people like mothers and then offered a special prayer for people who have had children who died and people who have lost their own mothers. I suspect that if more people went to churches with a priest like this, we would have fewer people leaving the Catholic church.
After church we picked up Mr. Q and Ramona and went to Starbucks, mmmm!
During mass I was thinking about the other Mother's Days I have experienced. As a child, the excitement of doing something nice for Mom; as an adolescent, trying not to argue with my sisters for the day (my mother's one request); as a teenager the begrudging-ness of having to think about someone else besides myself for a change; and as a young married woman being very, very glad I didn't have kids yet and not even really desiring them.
And this Mother's Day - with a delightful little girl sitting next to me, nursing her doll "Ola-baby" and my 2nd baby girl and husband at home - and crying again over the completeness of it all.
Special shout out to my Mom - oh my goodness, there just are no words. I'm not even going to try. I love you Mom.
Esther licked her first beater while we were making cookies. Prior to this, she's been afraid of the beaters because she is afraid of loud noises (hair dryer, vacuum cleaner, dustbuster, food processor, car wash). But on this day, she licked the beaters. Later that same day, she also tried her first bite of all beef, cooked at home, hot dog (on a whole wheat bun)
Esther spontaneously shared a toy with Sissy. She was sitting in front of this green dinosaur, Ruthie crawled up, and Esther said, "I move over for you Sissy." We've asked her in the past to make room for Sissy, but on this day, I hadn't said anything to her about sharing.
Later that same day, she also told her first lie. Ruthie was crying, I asked what was wrong and our conversation went something like this:
"I pull her leg like this" (pantomiming action)
"Did it hurt Sissy and make her cry?"
"Yes, I pull her leg like this."
"Well, when you hurt Sissy and make her cry, then you have to go to the naughty spot."
"I didn't, I didn't!!!"
David also thinks he saw Ruthie stand by herself for a second or so, but I'm hoping that's not true!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Hair dye is on, both girls cried in the middle of nap. I let them go and they went back to sleep. 35 minutes of guaranteed naptime left - after that it's a crapshoot.
You know, I'd like to use this blog to share little nuggets of wisdom that I learn while on this mothering journey. Today I learned two very valuable lessons for other people that dye their hair at home.
- You should have paper towels handy BEFORE you start dye-ing your hair. It's very hard to run around frantically looking for paper towels while being quiet and trying to keep hair dye from dripping.
- Also, if your baby naps best in a portable crib in your bathroom/closet area and hence you cannot go in there during naptime, you may want to get out the rubbing alcohol BEFORE she goes down to nap and BEFORE you dye your hair. Otherwise, you may have to resort to using lysol cleaner on a paper towel to get the hair dye drips off your face.
Just my little bit of sharing for the day.
Monday, May 5, 2008
I'm not sure what I'll do with the money. I'm borrowing a friend's awesome Maclaren stroller and am using it to death (hey friend - we got to work out some sort of rental fee!) But after trying out my friend A.'s super fancy running stroller (she is a runner and the stroller was a gift, so it's totally justified in her case) I now want the double version. For all my running, you know. (My sister Sarah is about to pee her pants laughing right now.) But seriously, if I can raise some money by walking errands, then I actually think it could be justified.
P.S. I'm now realizing that a lot of my blog entries (including this one) are based on other people's ideas. I've got to think of some more original posts!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Ruthie has mastered cheerios and has moved on to ground beef. With her low iron and spoon hatred, it's a logical choice. She did take several bites of pureed sweet potato off the spoon last week, but it only happened that one day and never again.
Now I know that I can only shoot video landscape, and not portrait. If you just kind of tilt your head to the side it's fine!
Untitled from Ellen T on Vimeo.